Let It All Run Down
by Amber Treelights
Summary: "Let's raise a toast to a sad story. You made it hurt so bad." Anko reminisces about her past, mainly about the sensei she loved like no other, Orochimaru. OroAnko-ish. Twisted tragedy. One-shot.


**"Let It All Run Down"**

* * *

_Sensei, you would be so proud._

No. No, no, no. Quickly, reluctantly, she shoved the words out of her mind, looking away from the reflection she cast in the bedroom mirror. It was night. Just barely dusk, the last rays of the sun being chased away like the thoughts she so desperately wanted to keep at bay.

But she just…couldn't…

_Your three sides of my eight-sided circle,  
Two lovers, juxtaposed red doorways  
Broken window frames, color her eyes in with black lines  
Let it all run down, let it all run down_

He was there. Always there. As the orange from the setting sun tinted the room in a subtle way only some, some like her, could catch, as she closed her eyes tightly, clutching the side of her neck, she could still feel him. She hated it. Then why did she love it so very much?

Time and time again, she'd attempted to forget him: she'd welcomed the Leaf Village shinobi again, told herself she was starting over and it would be good, she didn't need a man like him. She didn't need her old sensei. She could and would be happy without him. But as much as she'd tried, she couldn't escape.

When she performed a jutsu he'd taught her…

When she successfully completed a difficult mission…

When she looked over her naked form in a mirror…

Her thoughts always went straight back to him.

He'd been everything to her. And the memories were still as vivid as they'd been since the day he'd taken her under his wing, become her sensei. She remembered how nervous she'd been long ago, meeting him for the first time. She remembered her wide eyes captured by his own, mesmerized by such mystery and wonder.

_Anko…_

She remembered the chilling feeling she'd had every time he'd spoken her name in that silky, sinister lull of a voice he possessed. How afraid she'd been of him, and yet, how much she wanted him to notice her. He was different, after all, she remembered one of his other students telling her once, he was…personal.

She found out such truths the first time he'd taken a real notice of her, not long after she'd become his student. She could still feel the first touch he'd ever administered, the first time he'd held her close, the first time she'd been chosen.

His tongue. She hated knowing that some of her present dreams now were mere flashbacks of moments they'd shared. She remembered being in complete submission around him, his lips and tongue running down her neck, her shoulders, everywhere. It was true, she'd come to find. He was different. Personal. Frightening. Sexy. It was his way, and all his students knew.

But she loved it. She loved the feeling of how close they were, how dear he held her, despite such a twisted person he was. She was so young. They all were. Barely teenagers.

_It's one way to opt for a horizon  
'Cause in my opinion,  
It's one way to say we're abandoned  
And we don't belong here at all_

It hadn't been long before she'd gotten what she'd wanted from the beginning. He'd become different with her, they all knew. No one, not even she could miss such details. He was gentler with her. The short, sensual moments he'd given her had become long. Longer than the ones he gave the others. He held her, caressed her more, whispered her precious name. And when it was over, he stayed. Sometimes all night.

She'd become his favorite.

And it that simple fact that hurt her the most when she remembered what he'd done. Clearly, she could feel the pain she'd been in, when he'd sunken his teeth down into her neck, marked her with the memory she would forever have. Thrown her away…like trash.

The first night had been the hardest. She couldn't remember a time in her life when she'd cried more. He'd loved her. He'd cared for her more than the rest. And she'd loved him…practically worshipped him.

Still gazing into the mirror at her current, adult self, Anko wished with all her being that she could forget him. She'd never told anyone these secrets. That he'd been the one who'd taken everything from her, even her innocence, at such a young age. That no matter how badly she wanted to hate him, she couldn't. That sometimes at night, after she'd gone to bed, she wished, deep down in the pit of her soul, that she was still his. No one would ever understand.

No one exept her. And him.

_There's no explanation, or forewarning  
Underneath all the crimson linings  
We approach the streets with a clear conscience, we'll survive  
Let it all fall down, let it all fall down_

When she'd heard he'd come back to Konoha, her soul had filled with rage, desire to track him down, find him…kill him. What she'd never let anyone find out, though, was that also deep down, she'd felt a small spark of hope within her. For one instant, just one reluctant little instant, she'd felt that tug in her heart, that hope that maybe…she could see him again.

Maybe…he loved her again.

Swallowing down the choking in her throat, she could only close her eyes, feeling the memory of his cold, soft palm against her cheek. The moment he'd confirmed the reason for his return – Sasuke. She couldn't say she was surprised, as he'd always had such an infatuation with young boys like him.

"_Are you jealous?"_

The question had never really left her mind. She was frozen for that instant, the feeling of his skin, the memory of his touch, the sinister grin painted on his beautiful face. Yes. _Yes! _She'd wanted to scream the answer at that moment, beg him to love her again. What did Sasuke Uchiha have that she didn't? He'd loved her more, after all, more than any of them. Not a single male he'd acquired had meant more to him than her…not back then.

But it was over almost as soon as it'd happened. He was gone. And just as she'd known from the beginning, despite the hopes she might've felt, he still didn't want her back. He would never want her back. That very night of his return, was another that she'd spent crying, hating herself for still holding on. Still loving such a demon as him.

_It's one way to opt for a horizon  
And not to mention  
It's one way to say we're abandoned  
And we don't belong here at all_

Sometimes, she'd catch herself fantasizing about how life would be if he was still around. How he'd feel if he knew that she'd kept so many of those little quirks she'd gotten from him. Her own mischievous grin was a pure reflection of his sometimes. The way she remembered it. Even her actions were reminiscent of the sensei she remembered like no other: her way, or his way rather, of brushing her tongue over the blade of a kunai knife, or the cheek of a young shinobi.

_"Tough guys like you usually leave their blood all over this forest."_

The line she'd spoken to Naruto Uzumaki was one she knew from the moment she'd said it, she would never forget. Even purposely at times, she would allow her snake-like demeanor to show itself, unable to help the proud feeling inside of her that she was just like him. Maybe not in every way…but in many, she was his spitting image. And she couldn't help but love it.

_And romance just is…_

Oh, how she couldn't help but wonder if he would love that. If he would be proud of her, for keeping such little habits alive. For being so chilling, yet so alluring at the same time. For being like him.

Back again to reality, to the moment she was in, still gazing at her reflection, she could already feel that she might cry soon, if she kept thinking about _him. _The man she'd been so in love with from the moment she'd become his, the man she still loved no matter what he'd done, and the man she always would love. _Orochimaru. _

_Slow it all down, the damage is done  
Play the music loud, don't make a sound  
Let's raise a toast to a sad story  
And a dirty cup, and a dirty cup_

Just the thought of his beautiful name brought tears to her eyes. Tears that she hated so much for having, yet could never let go of, just like everything else. Because above all…she missed him. She missed the feeling of his body next to hers. She missed knowing that through everything, she would be protected. She missed being his favorite.

And not a day passed in which she didn't wonder _why _he'd truly thrown her away, when he'd loved her so dearly.

Had he really stopped loving her? Did he really think she lacked the hate she needed to be with him? …Did he realize that loving her was a mistake he couldn't bear to continue living with? And if he truly didn't want her anymore…why hadn't he killed her when he'd had the chance?

_You made it hurt so bad  
You made it hurt so bad_

Perhaps the biggest fear Anko held onto, was the fear that the answers would forever remain unknown.

Finally, she turned from the mirror, a few silent tears slowly running down her face. God, she hated him. And god, she loved him. She climbed into her bed as she could do absolutely nothing to stop her cries from returning whenever her mind wandered back to such a past. To him. To her. To everything they'd once had, and everything they'd never have again. To the questions in her heart that she longed to ask him. To the mark that would always be a constant reminder of his presence. To the hate she felt, and the love she could never abandon.

_With a little poison, we can burn this whole place  
Down to the ground again._

_

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_**Song: "Romance Is..." by LIGHTS.  
Also known as "Ro-mace." ;D**

**Anyway, this is my favorite OroAnko song, and last night I couldn't stop thinking about them. And now a new one-shot is born!**

**If you hate OroAnko, why are you here? Go read your NaruHina or whatever it is you like.**

**Thanks for reading.(: Reviews & favs are appreciated!  
**


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